Courtesy & Thanks : The Hindu
In homes, a menace whose victims fear to speak its name
What kind of mindset makes us men believe that we have a right to hit a woman?
If one section of society were to start beating up and
assaulting another section of society, the police would declare it a
riot, the Rapid Action Force would be brought in, and the state
machinery would swing into action to take appropriate steps to bring an
end to the violence and protect those who need help. Thereafter the
state might even set up refugee camps, etc. to rehabilitate those
affected. Well, when we set out to do our research on domestic violence,
this is precisely what we found. One section of society was physically
beating up and assaulting another, there seemed to be a civil war like
situation out there, only there was no Rapid Action Force to stop the
violence. Two separate studies, one by Ministry of Health and Family
Welfare, and another by the Planning Commission, showed that anywhere
between 40 per cent-80 per cent of women in India are victims of
domestic violence. Let's take a conservative middle figure of say 50 per
cent. That's a huge percentage of women! And I'm afraid these figures
don't speak very well of us men.
What kind of
thinking makes us behave this badly? What kind of mindset makes us men
believe that we have a right to hit a woman? And why do so many women
accept this beating for years on end? Once again, it's good old
patriarchy at work. It is alarming to discover how many different
problems arise out of this strange animal called ‘patriarchal thinking'.
In our two-year research work on the issues we chose for Satyamev
Jayate, this is one factor that has repeatedly come up as the villain of
the piece. And, as Kamla Bhasin, our expert on this particular issue,
pointed out, women are as much a part of this thinking, products of the
same society as they are.
Patriarchal thinking… men
are superior to women! … men are the bosses! … they will decide what is
good for their women… men will control women’s lives as they please and
as they deem fit! And so we have female foeticide, female infanticide,
the girl child is not fed properly, her health is not a priority, she is
not sent to school, or less importance is placed on her education,
instead she is taught to do housework. And while all this is happening,
she is often beaten! This thinking also results in child marriages,
dowry, discrimination against widows, and of course unequal share in
property, that is, if there's any share at all. Leave alone empowering
our women, we are specifically disempowering them and have been doing so
for millennia.
Let us examine some of the excuses that men put forth for assaulting the women folk in their family:
“I
am very short tempered”; “there’s a lot of stress and problems in my
life so it comes out like this.” So how come you don’t hit your boss?
Why only your wife? Well you don't hit your boss because if you do, your
boss will take appropriate action against you. Are the women listening?
“I
get violent with my wife because I love her so much”; “my love for her
comes out in this passionate and violent way, it’s because I care for
and love my wife.” Well in that case, there should be an equal amount of
beating coming from the women folk.
“My wife asked for it.” Well she also asked for a diamond necklace, and guess what you are asking for?
There
really does seem to be a civil war out there. Brothers hitting sisters,
fathers hitting daughters, husbands hitting wives and in some cases,
even sons hitting mothers. Our experts have explained how once domestic
violence starts it gets worse with every encounter and never stops until
the victim stops it! The woman has to say NO!
India
has a fairly strong Domestic Violence Act and it is important for all
women to be familiar with what the law says. The Protection of Women
from Domestic Violence Act specifically states that the woman has the
right to reside in what is called the shared household. Often a common
fear among women is of being thrown out of home. This Act protects EVERY
woman in this matter. No woman — wife, mother, daughter or sister — can
be thrown out of the house, even if the property is not in her name and
is owned by some other member of the family. The Act also states that
every State needs to create shelter homes for women who prefer not to
stay in the shared household. And, that the State Government needs to
provide any woman fighting for these rights with a protection officer
who acts as a liaison or bridge between her and the courts. So, a woman
does not need to spend money on legal fees in order to avail of her
rights under this act.
Historically, as men have been
a part of this problem, it is high time we men become a part of the
solution. Men have to be proactive in putting an end to this illness in
society. And, look at it this way: do you want to be a man who is feared
and hated by your wife or other female members of your home? Or do you
want to be loved, adored and respected? Do you want your children to run
away from you or run towards you when you get home? Do you want to be a
home maker or a home breaker?
By the way, what is the opposite of patriarchal thinking?
Jai Hind. Satyamev Jayate.
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